


Performance

by Laurasauras



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Earth C (Homestuck), F/M, Gender Issues, Not Canon Compliant - The Homestuck Epilogues, References to Depression, Weddings, love and support
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:22:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25906531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laurasauras/pseuds/Laurasauras
Summary: The start of a journey for Roxy and John, where things are a little more peaceful and honest than the Epilogues.
Relationships: John Egbert/Roxy Lalonde
Comments: 4
Kudos: 36





	Performance

**Author's Note:**

  * For [romulusgloriosus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/romulusgloriosus/gifts).



> Happy birthday, Seer! You are an absolutely wonderful person and you deserve all the Roxygen!

DAVE: god I admire rox for this  
JOHN: why? what’s “this”?  
DAVE: shes wearing a suit

You know she’s wearing a suit. You helped pick it out. It was a whole thing. You give him an expectant look. It never takes much expecting to make Dave talk.

DAVE: its like  
DAVE: look gender is this whole big performance thing right  
JOHN: um.  
JOHN: i kinda thought gender was just...  
JOHN: i have no idea what gender is.  
DAVE: yeah that doesnt surprise me  
DAVE: lets rap about it  
DAVE: not literally i mean that would be awesome and take me up on it later once you have the fundamentals down  
DAVE: i mean like in a friendly camp counsellor kind of way  
DAVE: like cmon johnny lets you and me sit down  
DAVE: ill sit in my chair backwards so you know im engaged but relaxed  
DAVE: this is the kind of shit karkats really good at

You look across the room to see if you can see Karkat. Maybe if he’s nearby, Dave will get distracted. More distracted. He seems pretty distracted already. But he doesn’t really forget his points just because he started weaving an imaginary scenario that isn’t happening.

JOHN: it’s not really a big deal that roxy’s wearing a suit though?  
JOHN: like, rose already did it.  
JOHN: she’s basically copying.  
JOHN: also, i’m not wearing a dress.  
DAVE: which dont get me wrong i am super disappointed by  
DAVE: and yeah rose did it first but shes rose shes like this whole other deal

You nod. This is the most sensible thing Dave has said in recent memory. You decide that you’ll chance the possibility of him making sense again and prompt him.

JOHN: so rose also didn’t perform gender?

Dave’s lips go all thin. That was what Davesprite did when he was trying really hard not to caw. You’re pretty sure Dave isn’t holding back a caw.

DAVE: clothes arent gender dude  
JOHN: then what are you going on about roxy’s suit for then!?

Dave slings an arm around your shoulders. You kinda wish he’d gone for the backwards chair thing. You have to make an effort to keep solid when people touch you, it’s easier to just be half-floaty most of the time. You think ground thoughts while Dave non-literally raps with you about gender.

DAVE: imagine were all on our little stages performing our genders  
DAVE: clothes are just the costumes we wear  
DAVE: theyre important right because costumes are fuckin important  
DAVE: like we put karkat in a grey wifebeater and jeans and a mullet youre probably gonna go   
DAVE: ah he is performing cameron poe  
JOHN: can we not make it about con air?  
DAVE: but i started it about con air  
DAVE: you want me to jump from one metaphorical plane of thought to another?  
JOHN: it just feels... really done.  
DAVE: john that is the *beauty* of con air  
DAVE: it might have been ironically cool to make a con air reference in 2012 because your best friend had once had an obsession bordering on homoerotic with it  
DAVE: it might have been so bad its good to make a con air reference in 2016 literally 20 years after it was released  
JOHN: con air came out in 1997, jackass.  
DAVE: but now  
DAVE: in 2020  
DAVE: to have been absolutely inundated with all our fans attempting to connect with us through bunnies and fake southern accents and whats your con air criminal name buzzfeed quizzes  
DAVE: its swung back around to cool again  
DAVE: trust me  
DAVE: i asked dirk  
JOHN: *GROAN*.  
DAVE: so anyway karkat is cosplaying cameron poe  
JOHN: please tell me he’s not actually doing that.  
DAVE: both of our dicks are safely in our pants and not rupturing holes in our virgin planets ozone layer so i think we can assume he is not

You attempt to leave, but Dave tugs you close under his arm. You roll your eyes and pretend you aren’t grinning. 

DAVE: but that doesnt mean hes performing cameron poe  
DAVE: if he started doing the weird dance thing from napoleon dynamite you wouldnt think  
DAVE: why is cameron poe doing that weird dance thing from napoleon dynamite  
DAVE: youd probably think  
DAVE: what the fuck kind of performance is this  
DAVE: i cant imagine it would sell many tickets  
DAVE: i mean id be there  
DAVE: i GOTTA know what that is about  
DAVE: but i think mostly people would let him do his own thing

You have no idea what he’s talking about.

JOHN: i have no idea what you’re talking about.  
DAVE: right well its one thing to be chilling out on your tiny little personal stage  
DAVE: and like obviously ours are pretty lit up anyway because of who we are  
DAVE: but this is a *wedding*  
JOHN: which means...

Dave looks at you hopefully. He clearly wants you to figure this out. He’s made this as simple as he can, with the fewest possible tangents he’s capable of. 

JOHN: cake?  
DAVE: *sigh*

He drags his fingers through his hair impatiently. 

DAVE: theres a massive fuckin spotlight on roxy right now  
DAVE: shes a god getting married  
DAVE: and shes not wearing the costume associated with how chicks typically perform at weddings  
DAVE: and rose has never seen a security camera in her life without flipping it off  
DAVE: of course she wore a suit to her lesbian wedding  
DAVE: and that was still brave of her and i told her that too  
DAVE: but lets just take a minute to be proud of your goddamn WIFE  
DAVE: helping make the world a place thats just a little easier to wear whatever costume you damn well please

Oh. Yeah, you think you get that. 

JOHN: oh.

You don’t know where your glass went, so you pretend to hold a champagne flute with your fingers.

JOHN: to roxy?

Dave claps you on the back enthusiastically. He still has his glass and he clinks it with the back of your fingers.

DAVE: to mrs egbert

Weird. This whole day is just ... so weird. You look down at your suit. You hadn’t thought it was that important, it’s not like guys get a lot of variety in what they wear unless they’re Dave, who, if gender is a performance, is currently wearing the costume for “gay”. Not in a bad way, just in a “you don’t see many guys wearing sequins” kind of way. He actually totally pulls it off. But maybe you should have thought about it. Maybe you’d feel more like your character if you were wearing the right costume.

Suddenly you really want to talk to Roxy about it. You didn’t ask her why she wanted to wear a suit. You told her you’d imagined her in a dress and she’d made fun of you for imagining your wedding day at all. Which presumably Dave would have something to say about, because that wasn’t very woke of her. But you also told her the most important thing to you was that she would be comfortable. She assured you that a suit was the way to go for that, and that was all you needed. 

She _has_ brought up gender before, the same way Dave has before. All, “isn’t it funny how we keep these values from our old planet and they were pretty fake there so they’re even _more_ fake now”. You sort of just agree. It’s nice that trans gender people and gay people can do what they want. You don’t _think_ about it unprompted like Dave and Roxy do.

Roxy is dancing with Jake, who is thankfully wearing a suit that covers him from wrist to ankle, not booty shorts or whatever. He looks nice in a suit, and he looks even nicer when he’s with Roxy. You’ve talked to her about it before, and she says she thinks she might be the only person Jake doesn’t have to perform for. Jeez, there’s apparently a lot of fucking performance going on!

You wait for the song to end before asking Jake if you can cut in. Both he and Roxy look delighted, Jake you think because it sounds like something from a movie and Roxy because everything is delighting her today. That makes you smile, and you don’t even notice Jake moving away.

ROXY: hey :)  
JOHN: hi. :B  
ROXY: omg u have the cutest smile  
ROXY: my husband! has the cutest smile!  
JOHN: i dunno, i think my wife actually owns that trophy.

Roxy squeals a little and clutches you like she can’t hold her happiness in. You don’t really have to think about remaining solid for her, you’re so drawn to her that you can’t imagine being breezy right now. You do, however, have to remember to keep your feet on the ground. Probably. It’s not that big of a deal if you’re dancing a foot higher than everybody else.

ROXY: wat were u and dave talkin about?  
ROXY: looked like u rly got him on a goer there  
JOHN: ha yeah.   
JOHN: most of that was about how he wants to fuck karkat when he’s cosplaying action heroes from the 90s.  
ROXY: damn!  
JOHN: you asked.   
JOHN: but also, he was talking about how he’s really proud of you for... um... performing gender.   
JOHN: or not doing that. making the costume less...?  
JOHN: fuck, i have no idea what he was talking about.  
ROXY: cos of my suit?

Roxy looks a little nervous. You smile at her reassuringly.

JOHN: yeah, the suit was definitely why he started talking about it.  
JOHN: and clothes aren’t gender, he was very clear on that.  
JOHN: and rose flips off security cameras.  
ROXY: ha!  
ROXY: yea she totes does  
ROXY: and u were cool with dave saying i wasnt performing... girl? today?  
JOHN: yeah!  
JOHN: i mean i don’t really know what that means.   
JOHN: or what dave was talking about.  
JOHN: still not really clear on what gender is.  
JOHN: but i definitely left that conversation in a generally cool way and am now coolly dancing with my wife who can do gender whatever way!

You spin Roxy under your arm and she laughs. It makes all the stress go away from her face, and she looks just as happy as she was before. 

You float to the ground again, feeling ... something. You’ve felt a lot of things today! It’s your wedding day! You’re definitely supposed to be having a lot of emotions. The biggest one at any given moment is definitely _wife!!!_ and you’re happy to say that the cure for that emotion is just to kiss your wife(!!!) right on her face. Okay, it’s not so much a cure as it is passing on your mental exclamation marks to Roxy as well.

Someone wolf whistles as you kiss Roxy, probably Rose. If you’d had known how to do it, you would have found the gene responsible for the ability to whistle with fingers that loudly and deleted it from Rose’s ectopuddle. It’s far too much power for her to have. You focus on kissing Roxy instead of glaring at one of your oldest and dearest friends.

ROXY: if ur gonna keep kissing me like that mr egbert im gonna have to leave my wedding early

You feel your eyes widen and your hands tighten reflexly on Roxy’s waist. The thing she does with her eyes should be illegal. Who is in charge of the laws around here, this is just _way_ too affecting to be allowed.

JOHN: i have powers.  
JOHN: um.  
JOHN: magic teleporting time powers.  
JOHN: we could theoretically zap away and be back in a second if you wanted that.  
ROXY: oh rly?

Roxy waggles her eyebrows to an absurd degree. It thankfully is a lot more funny than sexy, and you manage to give her a goofy grin. 

ROXY: nah i mean im obvs v tempted to take u up on that  
ROXY: but i cant imagine wanting to come back  
ROXY: no offense to our beautiful wedding and fam lmao  
ROXY: but like im glad this is a once in a lifetime thing  
JOHN: big day, huh?  
ROXY: big day!

You smile at each other and you surreptitiously check your watch. Roxy taps the top of it. 

ROXY: i think we have some surprises comin up but we for real can get the hell out of here at 12 i swear  
JOHN: surprises?

Almost as if summoned, Dirk walks quickly over to you. 

DIRK: Hey, you two should come out on the balcony with me.  
JOHN: why?  
DIRK: Uh.  
DIRK: I want to smoke a cigar with you.  
DIRK: For wedding luck.  
ROXY: theres fireworks isnt there  
DIRK: ...  
DIRK: Yeah, can you just come to the balcony before they go off? I gave the remote to Jake in a moment of weakness.

You watch the fireworks. It’s not the only surprise, as Roxy predicted. Dave, presumably from the future given that there’s already a Dave next to you, jumps out of the absolutely beautiful wedding cake Jane made for you. Rose plays a haunting refrain on her violin that she tells you with calculated carelessness she wrote herself. Jade fills the room with the light of hundreds of suddenly relocated fireflies. You hold Roxy the entire time.

You go home and are both too tired to actually consummate the marriage, but fall asleep in a tangle of limbs and greater intimacy than you had ever dared dream of. 

For about a week, you’re happy.

You don’t know how Roxy does it. She gets up in the morning, gets dressed, and _does_ things. Things that can’t possibly matter, not in comparison to creating a universe. You thought that getting married might feel just as important as that, and for a second it did, but now ... What difference does it make if you get out of bed at 8am with Roxy, or have a sleep in? Haven’t you earned a sleep in or two?

This isn’t a sleep in or two. You haven’t left your bed in a long while, and you aren’t even bothering to remember what day it is anymore. The only thing that can make you leave is the danger of literally pissing yourself, and you float to the bathroom, force yourself to get something out of the fridge while you’re kind of upright, and then retreat back to bed. 

Roxy doesn’t make you get up. She can’t. She’s tried coaxing you with homemade breakfasts, but you don’t care what you eat, you don’t even know if you need to anymore. She’s tried inviting you to see your friends, but you know you’d just bring them down. She’s tried asking if it’s her fault, but you told her not to be passive aggressive and just let you fucking sleep and she stopped trying. 

Rose calls you, but you ignore her. 

You’re not quite sure what makes you snap out of it. You never are. If you knew what it was, then you’d be able to do it sooner, probably. But you basically get sick of being useless and dumb, hiding in bed like a baby because you don’t feel right. Whatever! Nobody feels right! It’s fine! 

You shower, shave, and brush your teeth for the first time in too long. You make yourself toast and sit at the kitchen table to eat it. When Roxy comes home from whatever it is she does all day and finds you on the couch instead of in bed, she runs over to you and kisses you all over your face. It makes you laugh, and you feel weightless.

ROXY: john i thought  
ROXY: i was rly rly worried  
JOHN: i’m sorry, hummingbird.  
JOHN: i was being stupid.  
ROXY: no bb never

She sits on your lap and strokes your hair. You look into her eyes and wonder how people can have this much _lightness_ in them.

JOHN: i’m done now.  
JOHN: i was thinking maybe i should take you on a date?  
JOHN: that’s a thing married couples do, right?  
ROXY: u bet ur ass it is mr egbert  
ROXY: if u married me thinking u were off the hook from pulling out chairs and waving my hand away from the cheque, think again  
ROXY: but hey  
ROXY: u dont have to snap into doin everything all at once u know  
ROXY: wat if we had a nice nite in instead?  
ROXY: order some fancy takeaway cos i rly havent been havin much success taming the oven yet  
ROXY: get all dressed up but its just for us u kno?  
JOHN: yeah.  
JOHN: yeah, that sounds really good.

You smile at her, feeling just a bit wobbly. You want to be better, you’ve decided you’re better, but maybe it would have been a bit much to be _seen_ right now. You think back to your wedding and how all your friends were there. That was so nice. It feels like a million years ago. You’ll call Jade tomorrow and ask her to hang out.

Roxy makes you close your eyes while she takes something out of the closet and leaves to get dressed in the bathroom. You put a suit on, not your wedding suit because that would be a bit much. You look in the mirror as you fix your hair and remember your conversation with Dave about suits. Would Jane look like this in a suit? Roxy didn’t look like Dave in hers.

Clothes are weird, you decide. You kind of like thinking of them as a costume. Like putting this on means that you’re an adult who has his shit together. The kind of man who has a hat and a hat stand to put it on. And when you take it off, you’ll just be you again. 

A week later, you slam the door on your way in without really meaning to. Roxy rushes to see what’s wrong, drying her hands on her apron in small, rushed movements.

JOHN: WHY THE FUCK ARE SOCKS GENDERED?

Roxy looks at you, eyes wide.

ROXY: i dunno honeybunch but maybs u could take it down a notch  
JOHN: that’s what they WANT me to do!  
ROXY: the sox manufacturers?   
JOHN: yeah!  
JOHN: no, that’s ridiculous.  
JOHN: the, um.  
JOHN: the pathology!  
ROXY: hun  
ROXY: the patriarchy didnt put the pink socks in the ladies section just to fuck with u

You groan and the fire whooshes right out of you. You hold the stupid socks out to Roxy. They’re white and have melons on them and one of them is saying “honeydew you want to get married” and the other is saying “sorry, I cantaloupe”. You knew Roxy would love them when you saw them online and didn’t want to pay shipping so you went to the store and you couldn’t find them because they don’t keep the socks just in one place and the assistant had no idea why you were talking about fruit in a clothes store and ...

ROXY: omg  
ROXY: these are the best fuckin sox  
ROXY: they.....  
ROXY: roxy my sox  
JOHN: god, i love you.

She opens her arms and you move into them. She rubs your back a little and you kind of feel coddled, but it feels good when it’s Roxy.

ROXY: it rly bothered u?  
JOHN: it’s dumb.  
ROXY: dude stop sayin shit is dumb just cos its not somethin u think idk *rose* would be upset over  
JOHN: rose gets upset over socks, probably.  
JOHN: it just doesn’t seem...  
JOHN: manly?  
ROXY: well it is cos ur a man and u just threw a big ol tantrum over it so  
ROXY: thats officially a thing a man could do

You wriggle partway out of her hug to stick your tongue out at her. She kisses it. You smile and she laughs, clearly glad that you’re not going to make some kind of deal out of this. 

ROXY: but fuck gender!  
ROXY: and fuck the patriarchy!  
ROXY: or u kno  
ROXY: the shitty thing we have here where they made the world they thought wed want based on old movies of a crappy patriarchal society  
ROXY: where we still have the fuckin pink and blue bullshit but like women are people  
JOHN: yeah! fuck that thing!

This is why you should always just come to Roxy when you’re not sure what you’re feeling. She makes everything better. She tugs you into the kitchen and sits you on a stool so she can keep washing up. You stand up the second her back is turned and pick up a tea towel to do drying. 

JOHN: how do we fuck the...  
JOHN: thing.  
ROXY: i dont think we can literally fuck the patriarchy babes i think thats just wat ur supposed to say  
JOHN: but i want to!  
JOHN: like how dave said you were...  
JOHN: argh! why can i never remember what happened in important conversations!  
JOHN: i got the gist though, like that when you wore your suit to our wedding it was like making...  
JOHN: i don’t know, rox.  
JOHN: he talked about con air and his dick, it was just too much.  
ROXY: i need to listen to way more of your conversations with dave lmao  
ROXY: ok tho if thats wat u want to do  
ROXY: i have some thoughts

  


You love her. You come in ranting about socks and she just rolls with it. You pick her up in a massive hug and she makes a surprised noise and drops the fork she was cleaning. You feel water from her outstretched hands drip onto your back and don’t care a bit. 

You’ll go wherever she leads.    



End file.
